test blog

2010-10-01T23:26:00.000+08:00

2010-08-15T22:04:00.003+08:00

Usually, my posts in this blog usually have a very emo tone to them, and truth be told, it needs to be changed.
Well things have changed recently, and I must say I have a very special person to thank.
It's thanks to her, I have a reason to fight on, a reason to smile, a reason to go to school everyday rain or shine. She injects humour in everything that takes place in my life, and she makes me see the beauty in every single day.
She calls me easily amused, but I think otherwise. There's a rhyme and reason for everything, and I can only say she's really a major source of joy in my life, ever since the first day I attempted to text her.
This post is in dedication to this very very special person, and some of you may already know who she is. She's a wonderful, amazing person who has done wonders, constructed miracles, saved me from an emo-self.
DD LXY, I want you to know the great impact you've caused in my life, and I have to thank you for being my source of joy, my source of strength, and my constant companion.
Looking back since the first day that I officially knew you, I really don't recall any period of time where I felt so alive. You brought me to see life's simple pleasures, such as that of enjoying a simple stretch, and that of being a foodie. You opened my eyes to see that beauty, is not only skin deep, but if you search deep enough, you'll see beauty beyond any other.
I hereby, with the blogosphere, and all the readers of this miserable little blog as my witness, would really like to thank and appreciate LXY for all she has done for me up till this date, and may this last long and strong.
I smaller than 3U.

2010-08-01T14:28:00.002+08:00

Looking for stars, but time after time they are hidden by rain clouds. As the thunder looms closer, i dont run. I want the rain to drench through my skin, i want the cold to take me away, the lightning to burn away my senses.

2010-07-31T23:37:00.001+08:00

2010-07-31T13:11:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, when defeat laughs at you in the face, you have no choice but to grit your teeth and laugh along with it, since you have no choice. And sometimes, believe me, you really dun feel like talking. And other times, you just really lose faith and fighting spirit in something so much that you would just really give up on hope in all its entirety. Further on, on more other times, you feel so disappointed, that you wish to just abort, retreat, and hide in a corner:D Sometimes, you just lose yourself in the blind pursuit.

2010-07-28T20:23:00.000+08:00

Never put all the eggs into one basket. You never know when the smooth road you're driving on becomes bumpy and wrecks all your hopes and dreams.

2010-07-05T14:59:00.000+08:00

The worst part of life is exams. Period.
I studied from 3 am on Monday, till 5am, until I decided I needed a run to clear my head. So I ran.
I reflected on the things that took place last week. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Mostly they were bad and ugly, and even the good things that took place became bad and ugly when cast under my shadow. I fouled up.
I said too much, I said what I shouldn't say.
And just when finding the words were hard enough, acceptance of the response was even harder.
Finding the words were like regurgitating spiky gummy bears.
They were meant to be sweet little truths, but making them come out was damn tough.
Accepting the response was like swallowing a durian with the spikes and all, as well as mud encrusted shell.
As I ran, these memories kept playing in my head, over and over again, coupled with the questions that I had in my mind. I just ran and ran, until I lost track of time, and the sky seemed less dark. On my way back, I decided to take the long way, out of pure gut feeling. I "ran" into Lassie, the rough collie that I always hang out with. So I sat there, just stroking its back, and mulling over stuff, when it came over and just purely licked me my face. Pimple formation aside, it seriously felt better.
At least, a fellow mammal cared.
On the plus side, it's a female mammal. :p
Life is described in three letters.
TSK.

2010-06-26T20:35:00.000+08:00

You know it's that never ending sense of doom especially when your phone shows a countdown to the number of days to your next test.
Day after day, after day.
Then again, after everything, what are we looking for in ourselves?
Visual confirmation that we have not prepared well enough for the mid-years, and the school teachers are in wide-alert because you are oh-so-screwed?
Or the severe mental beating that we love so much at the end of the bloody, brutal paper that leaves your brain adled and your heart bleeding out from the end of a barbed stick?
What do we really want from all this? The good memories?
Ten years down the road, we see our long lost classmates, some balding, some in their prime, some absent-mindedly scratching their bellies with a cup of coffee that lasts them for a decade, do we recall, Hey, your grades at that time sucked.
Do we even remember what we learnt by then?
I know I'm raking up this emo crap here because I forsee that no miracles can take place by Mid years.
I'm just facing the facts bitterly as opposed to giving myself false hope. Pain can be a good stimuli for the even greater battle ahead.
I had lectures over the holidays in Somerset, until I swear I'm sick of the place already. The flea-bitten, fish smelling and sex-shop riddled location seriously makes me sick.
And to make things better, I now have permanent Sunday evening lessons there.
What are the reasons to continue fighting against an enemy even larger than the last?
When you were a kid, PSLE seemed like hell.
As you jumped over the small hurdle, you cheered, and you told yourself that was the most fucking difficult paper you ever sat for.
Now comes O'levels. Now comes the high jump pole.
I jumped over it ,barely.
Now it's A levels,
I'm on the plane. The flight crew activates the door.
I jump. The first parachute fails.
I wonder about the second back-up chute.

2010-06-14T11:00:00.000+08:00

Random Rants ( April-May-June)

2010-06-07T21:19:00.000+08:00

Well I guess this will be one of the few moments in time when you feel you have so much to say, but yet, when the blogger page loads, the words can't come, and I seem to have lost everything I want to say.
Starting in chronological order, I am proud to say that April has ended on a silent, brutal, painful note, bringing about the dreadful monologues of May. This is where the pressure sets in, when the climax of your miserable two ( Three?) years in a Junior College Peaks. You are required to do School Graduation Certificates, do stuff you really don't want to, and so on. And people who have graduated tell you that it's part and parcel.
Moving on, College Day was a fiasco. I have never, ever, felt so trashy after an assignment, and I've had better emotions after receiving my Chemistry Test Papers, which, in fact, are really brutal, nasty pieces of work. Seriously, I did not understand what was the cause of that emotional droop, and it was one of the worst weeks of my life.
I did not survive well after the event. I swear I've never felt so tired, coupled with studies, rushing for Pre-U sem with one or occasionally two screwed-up di*ks, as well as CCA stuff.
JC life sucks. My life sucks. There, I said it.
Moving on to Pre-U Seminar, there are a few people who I have to give credit to for making it a less horrid experience. In no order of merit, my co-speakers,
1) Pratyush Paul
2) Cassandra Lim
My other team mates
3) Chan Siow May
4) Law Kim Ying
5) Tan Yoong Aunn
6) Hameed M Rowther
The constant rehearsals, drilling and rushes for script corrections, seriously would have driven anyone nuts. But thanks to you guys, the process was more painless than the last few Pre-U Seminars. And seriously, thanks for listening to my rants.
I guess I learnt. Do not expect me to be superman. Neither am I a full time participant. FYI, I am a student. A FRIGGIN' STRUGGLING STUDENT. I know you are damn smart. You don't have to deflate my fucking ego every fucking time.
I've tolerated enough, and this will be the only statement I make.
As for the second d***, well, I know you're talented. Point taken. But so??
I seriously doubt it concerns me.
And oh yeah. Lay off your pal. He's nice enough to tolerate, doesn't mean he'll take it forever. When he snaps and socks you in the face, I'll applaud.
Moving on to band concert.
I have nothing more to say, except, Daniel, please do not bite off more than you can chew.
But at least one aspect of the day went well XD
Pre-U sem itself.
Special Thanks to group 28,
Special Thanks to Temasek Polytechnic's Team.
I'm just kinda glad it's over, kinda sad it's over.
But I'm really tired.
I need a damn break for once.
Hahaha, and expected of my life, oops, there are none. Exams are round the corner and if I don't buck up, well, I guess I have to mentally prepared for a date with the P.
FML.

Bieber, Asian Fever!!

2010-05-20T22:18:00.000+08:00

2010-05-02T10:28:00.000+08:00

Ignored.
Left alone.
I'll be fine.
Goodbye.

It's time to implement isolationist policies from the world.
Hush hush, Daniel,
no more than 30 words a day in school,
the monsters will eat your heart out if you do.
hush.

2010-04-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

Ignorance hurts like uber hell.
There is nothing worse than the feeling of watching someone deliberately turn away when they see you walk in the opposite direction, and do their own stuff. It may be coincidental, but it stings.
Putting it past may be one thing, but uncovering fresh stings is another.
Live to drag on another day.
I promised myself that if I failed my mid-years, I would pack up, head back to Aus to further my studies.
It's just plain useless to see 3 years of being stuck in a junior college amount to failure. It's just plain sad.
People will say, well, work harder, the A's will be better. The point is, if it is rock bottom, wouldn't a 'better' be just average?
In this nation, average is everywhere, you have to be outstanding. And it sucks when you are not.
I've made up my mind on this.
The only factors stopping this are my parents decision and source of income, etc.
When I'm gone, or if I ever leave this nation, sometimes, I wonder, will I be missed?
Will I be another passing flyer in the rain, swept away to one side of the pedestrian crossing with the currents of time? I dread to imagine.
On one hand, it would be good to go start a new life, away from everything here.
I know I did wrong, but I feel there's nothing I can do to make it up to you. Even if I tried, I'm prepared that forgiveness will not be awarded and it hurts to know folly can lead to so many days of regret. In scenarios like these, leaving, will be a solace, a calm quiet sensation.
Whether I'll be missed, I'll let that pass. I'm sure those who will miss me will remember the good about me, if any, and for those whom I have really did wrong against, you guys are free to curse my guts.
Leaving a place is not a mere matter of physically leaving. There is often a detachment of the human spirit from his attractions that he grew up with, and still has.
I have wronged in so many ways, and every damn day in school is seriously a battle against weight issues,grades and not forgetting to mention the one deep regret which I cannot absolutely get over. I guess leaving would do everyone good, should my grades suck during mid years.

Friends and foes, if I leave, have a great life ahead.
The way forward for me is clear; succeed here, or should I fail, leave here.
There is nothing I can do.

Dear deepest regret,
all I can ever say is, I'm sorry.
I really cannot. Find. Words. To. Describe this gnawing feeling.

Daniel.

2010-04-20T21:57:00.000+08:00

This is my fifth (?) post ever since this blog was revamped.
Many things have happened, including pinnacles, and trenches have been covered.
And a lot of distances have been walked in the past week.
Ventures into new forays, and waiting for the train that will never come to stop at this station anymore.
I caught a glimpse of it, and manage to get a whiff of it as it sped pass last Saturday. I am absolutely resolved by the fact that this train, has moved on to greener pastures, away from the gloom and bitterness.
A loss of words often engulfs me these few days.
Some have told me I sound Emo. Or look plain angry.
I'm neither. In fact, I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. There's a need to do something extreme, something tangible to get a feeling of being alive.
I spoke to LiShan from Drama night the day before.
It's good to reconnect sometimes. She advised me to take some time off with friends, and be happy.
It's good advice, lest for the fact that I do not know how. Who can truly define happiness?
It's relative to every individual. Some find happiness in seeing piles and piles of work. Others find happiness in engaging in favourite activities.
I've been hiding behind myself, gazing at the world from afar. Every moment available is spent trying to capture the world before it collapses before me.
I've been talking about regrets a lot recently, but what do you do with a regret you know you will never have a chance to apologise to, to own up to, to ask for forgiveness from?
There's nothing you can do if you yourself let that chance fall from between your fingertips.
I tried to ignore the pieces of the dropped object. Shining, beautiful things. I told myself, "nah, it'll be alright soon". I left it to patch itself up. But it didn't work that way. Now trying to piece it together would be impossible.
People who know of that terrible, wretched secret, I thank you for keeping it low.
Somethings are better left unsaid, and somethings are better if fewer people know about it. If they care to begin with.

Before I end of, I read a poem recently that successfully reflects my feelings thus far.

In the desert

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said: "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter-bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

-- Stephen Crane

2010-03-30T13:03:00.000+08:00

New posts for this week:
Is everything we know coming to an end?
Things are falling apart at the seams, and there seems no end to what may come.
Days of unrestricted silence has crept into our lives, crystallising months of unsaid things.
Life itself has become like a protein based object, coagulating, changing form into something we'd never imagine.
Here comes the egg and chicken dilemna, who or what is to blame? Here comes an answer that has no definite meaning, much like a dog endlessly chasing its own tail.
Talking about dogs, they may be hardcore bitches, but let's face it, it will be the most pure, dedicated, unchanged love a human can ever get from another earthling. A dog will follow its master, in wealth or in poverty, yearning for love from its human master, till death do us apart.
Remember lassie? The border collie which is on my facebook? Yeah, that's what i was describing. No human, however close, will be waiting for your presence at the same place, rain or shine.
Is love between humans seriously pale in comparison of that of a human and dog?
I've faced tough spots this week, and i don't think things may get any better. Its the same feeling of impending doom you feel when you are facing an adversary that you cannot win. The cold, thick feeling of emptiness that sinks to the abyss of your gut.
This week sucks.
People always have to make decisions somehow. There is a philosophy going by" i think, therefore i am". If we are robbed of the ability to decide for ourselves, and are forced to bend our will to a greater entity, what are we?

2010-03-28T17:37:00.003+08:00

Have you ever felt guilt, and remorse so strong, you feel an immediate apology is needed?

throughout the course of the past year, I have befriended some, offended many.
Some intentional, some through plain ignorance, and I do not blame any for what I've done.

Regret, though strong, can never be eliminated, or made up for.
It can be disguised, made into other forms.

Apologies and guilt? The earlier you solve them, the better it is.

Before it eats you from inside.

Starting my first super-natural comic mini series.
A question; 2 wings or 6 wings?

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